i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
