the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
