I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
