and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
