I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
