I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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