You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
