oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
