and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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