I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
