first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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