Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
