so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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