forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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