What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
