Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
