We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
