the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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