hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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