We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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