Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
