Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
