He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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