we're chasing vodka with high fives
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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