i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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