Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
