If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
