Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
