She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
they need to just BURY HIM!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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