i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
