i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
