After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
