I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
