Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
