Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
