That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
