you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
