You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
