Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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