I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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