Can i not drive my cunt home
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
