A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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