I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
