In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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