all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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