i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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