I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
