i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
