i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
