Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
